My new creation in the making

Well this is my latest sculpture in production. I have no idea how much longer it will take to complete or how much more I have to do to it but its coming on really well. I am going to paint it when the structure is more developed and its going to be a controversial peace of work that I am thinking of putting in my front garden for all to see who knows.

Ken Robinson knows

I found this amazing lecture on TED.COM which explains how I feel about today's education system.

New Information

My autobiography as Moved

Well I have decided to put my autobiography onto another blog as not to distract from this particular blog that's more of an artists journal so please find it at the side of links or doorways as I like to call them.

My Asbergers syndrome diagnosis

Well finally I got the diagnosis of having Asbergers syndrome, and I believe that statement may puzzle allot of you. I was diagnosed a few months ago and have taken some time to get to terms with it. For those of you who don't know what Asbergers is well its part of the autistic spectrum so you could say its a mild form of Autism. Now for most of my life I have felt mildly different from the general public and that's one of the reasons why I have wrote an autobiography so that I may be researched etc. Why be researched you may be asking, well the first reason is this. I had to request a professional diagnosis because I knew through personal research that I related to some of the symptoms of Asbergers. Asbergers became a great focus for me and I studied it and other psychological subjects when exploring my mind itself. I did have many difficulties in finding a connection between myself and a typical Asbergers person mainly due to the following factors.

1) I noticed that the majority of people with asbergers tended to have powerful left brain skills and abilities such as with the understanding of mathematics and language. Where I focused more on the visual side of thinking and learnt myself many aspects of creative skills from graphic design methods to wood carving sculpture and painting.

2) Having a strong focus on patterns and knowing and remembering phone numbers and names where I would have a strong awareness of visual patterns and prefer staring at adverts, scenery and logo's etc.

3) The practice of rigid routines was a very difficult one for me because I seem not to display this, in fact I am such a bad boredom threshold that I simply hate routine and live life in a messy and almost koatic way. I even avoided work that would mean I had to do receptive daily routine.

4) Empathy seems to play a major role with people with Asbergers but I think that's where the outside perspective of autism gets confused. Ill draw a great diagram as always to present my thoughts on this.

From this diagram I have established my strengths and weakness's. The biggest thing I am trying to say is that for me it is hard to show signals of empathy because I am to visually analytical in mental process so in other words I am feeling more than I can physically respond due to overwhelming stimulus to sensory experiences. I believe that my minds strengths are located within the memory which is located in the brain so is part and parcel of the process. My listening levels are very acute as well but I find it hard to process verbal information and go more on tonal sound information. I prefer to listen to the musical structure for instance than the words in a song which frustrate me. I also find it hard to interpret the simplicity's of language and will often be misguided by verbal cues and social language forms from phrase's to jokes. I do take things serious and literal which i prefer to do as I find jokes and other things pointless and futile and I need not laugh in order to feel secure yet I can get into fits of laughter over visual imaginative description and in depth description of verbal, visual and written forms of communication. To cut it short I feel to much yet I give to little in response that allows people to think I care.

Having Asbergers
Well its who I am really, I don't think that I am much different from people and have been able to get by in life for 31 years with it. I think its been the cause of not being able to be educated properly in life where by even the teachers would regularly say I was from another planet which hurt me deeply. I think it prevented me from making any long term friendships yet that I can live with as I truthfully love my own company but do miss the romantic things I see that I have a deep yearning for yet relationships prove to unfulfilled me which is a shame. I think that I appear different and don't dress in a way people can understand and I give off signals that makes people avoid me like the plague. I think is been a big reason for how I presented myself at interviews and when looking for work in which I would try to sell myself but had problems with anxiety and low self esteem. I have never attempted to learn to drive as I am afraid of being in control of something above my own physical condition and do feel that I would be to visually drained by the experience.

On the positives I have taught myself art in a truthful way that's very individual to me and not exposed to the dumming down of educational art theory. I have not attempted to sell myself in attempt to gain material which is of great spiritual significance to me. I can use almost all creative industry level applications from photoshop to Bryce. I can escape this mundane life through imagination and visual esoteric exploration. I can dance without being under the influence of drugs such as alcohol. I do not need drugs in which to develop any form of sensual pleasures as just the sight of a beautiful women can get me into a mental Ecstasy and that I am glad that I can enjoy the surface of life sublime creations. I feel that I can wear my heart on my sleeve and do not need to mask myself to be accepted in life and really enjoy being me. I shall always make a point of having Asbergers and I am glad I can say I am not mentally insane and that I am not alone either.

The Abomination Revealed

Well finally its here, no it could be here I might still do some more to it yet. But looking at it now I am in amazement of it and enjoy every bit of my new creation. Its not something that I think most people would actually appreciate especially in times when folk would rather have some abstract sculpture thing that as a simple level of aesthetic appeal. Well it is my first sculpture that I have ever done and after the enjoyment I got out of it not my last as I have some more logs and am going to be carving all through the summer months. First I would like to show a diagram of my technical principles in wood carving and illusion painting methods.


Being able to think visually is essential towards both controlling object and to recollect dimensional imagery. So for example I am able to see a head in my mind and use that to aid in altering the physical properties of a physical object external from my mind. As with the use of colour in the same way I have to looking back into my minds eye to be able to see what the colour attributes are on a human with the skin, eyes etc. I also used to study the anatomy as a child through a morbid curiosity and delight in using this visual knowledge from my memory. I even recently watched a real video of a human autopsy which I found a very powerful source of information. If you notice on the skull section I added a yellow fat within the flesh layer to add to a realism of dissection.



Well that's the abomination which is about a meter high. Its very unpleasant yet I love it to bits and hope to exhibit it sometime. I would like to say its contemporary expressionism and exists like the rawness of graffiti artwork which in today's art world would sadly be considered as anti art or Dada. I still think though that that type of art is more natural in state and more powerful as it need not words to sell itself just its powerful imagery.

Please also realise that it represents an ancient power in which it invokes a power and curiosity like with how we are still clouded with the mystery's of ancient mythology and history. In a world full of magic and illusion that I think would unlock a enchanting world full of romance and legend, hero and much much more which sadly only gets represented by the media. I ask you people to find your own spiritual worlds and bring back the enchantment of living with imagination again. At least I can do that myself I guess but I hope it gives you a message to do the same.

3D time

Sculpture Project 1

I have had the hurge to do some 3D artwork for some time to add to my legacy of exhibitionism of the weird and surreal and now its time. I have got to add that this is my first time at a sculpture but I can see from within that I can create in this way through vision and a inner power of guidance. I will add that I feel that the power is coming from something higher than myself in which I will channel through trance, passion, love and even anger. Music will be a much needed source in order to allow me to channel the waves of energy much needed to keep my mind at its peek.

Well the time is finally here, I managed to get hold of some huge cut down tree parts and went and brought a carving set which as made me skint but I feel better for parting with the money in this way. Well Now I am gonna create some specactular original and wonderful creatures. Things totally new to the eye with jaw dropping aesthetics in a comical, surreal and with the added novelity of gore effects.

I hope to paint the sculpture when it done to make it look very real with paints effects like that of a film but even if I can only create a expressionist peice I will be delighted in its raw primitive appeal. Below is a picture of the sculpture in progress.

Back again from the darkness

Well here I am again, I never leave for good. I've just been reading my previous blogs and am happy with the thoughts I had back then. Seems not much as changed in my life really though but I have been through many things. Below are a list of categories that I feel relevant in telling you all how I've been living.

The dark cold winter.

Well to begin with I had split up with my girl friend Jackie around November time I guess and we had been together for around 8 months but for a good 6 months I kind of knew I wasn't happy. I lost the spark for her as she had changed from this magical and mysterious lady whom I hardly knew to becoming normal and plain. I did try to make an effort for her and it was very difficult to break away from her. I am now glad to be alone because I think about women a lot and desire them with all my heart but I will not go out to use someone for pleasures and think I would bore easy of any relationship I was in if that makes sense. through the winter I did sadly go through a patch of watching Internet porn to relieve my anguish to relish in the joys of passionate sex but I awoke to the real fact that porn is not nice at all and darkens the heart with its cold raw acts. I have gone off the idea of sex now and want to learn to imagine the art of making love ready for if I do ever find that love that's without corruption of earths immoral ways. So anyway we split for lots of reasons yet I do still chat with her and wish we could stay friends. Then my life became dark, the short spells of light made creative abilities slip away but I did manage to do some filming in which you may see through my eyes at how depressed I was by being attacked by the gloom of the darkness.

The drug episode.

I decided to come off Citalopram which used to make me very very fatigued and low in mental or physical energy. So guess what I just went off them and I mean cold turkey thinking that I could defeat them and it was all great at first I could cry when watching films or at anything, then after a short time I started finding my mind to becoming the more and more anxious and paranoid about many things. Then the panic attacks arrived and oh dear me ive never felt such fear. I was losing my mind I think, it was as if I was losing control of my will power and self control with visions of awful things showing me events that hadn't happen but could well do within the next few mins. Luckily I saw my psychirotrist whom offered me a new concoction of drugs to help me and so far so good.

The art videos