Back again from the darkness

Well here I am again, I never leave for good. I've just been reading my previous blogs and am happy with the thoughts I had back then. Seems not much as changed in my life really though but I have been through many things. Below are a list of categories that I feel relevant in telling you all how I've been living.

The dark cold winter.

Well to begin with I had split up with my girl friend Jackie around November time I guess and we had been together for around 8 months but for a good 6 months I kind of knew I wasn't happy. I lost the spark for her as she had changed from this magical and mysterious lady whom I hardly knew to becoming normal and plain. I did try to make an effort for her and it was very difficult to break away from her. I am now glad to be alone because I think about women a lot and desire them with all my heart but I will not go out to use someone for pleasures and think I would bore easy of any relationship I was in if that makes sense. through the winter I did sadly go through a patch of watching Internet porn to relieve my anguish to relish in the joys of passionate sex but I awoke to the real fact that porn is not nice at all and darkens the heart with its cold raw acts. I have gone off the idea of sex now and want to learn to imagine the art of making love ready for if I do ever find that love that's without corruption of earths immoral ways. So anyway we split for lots of reasons yet I do still chat with her and wish we could stay friends. Then my life became dark, the short spells of light made creative abilities slip away but I did manage to do some filming in which you may see through my eyes at how depressed I was by being attacked by the gloom of the darkness.

The drug episode.

I decided to come off Citalopram which used to make me very very fatigued and low in mental or physical energy. So guess what I just went off them and I mean cold turkey thinking that I could defeat them and it was all great at first I could cry when watching films or at anything, then after a short time I started finding my mind to becoming the more and more anxious and paranoid about many things. Then the panic attacks arrived and oh dear me ive never felt such fear. I was losing my mind I think, it was as if I was losing control of my will power and self control with visions of awful things showing me events that hadn't happen but could well do within the next few mins. Luckily I saw my psychirotrist whom offered me a new concoction of drugs to help me and so far so good.

The art videos