My autobiography as Moved
Well I have decided to put my autobiography onto another blog as not to distract from this particular blog that's more of an artists journal so please find it at the side of links or doorways as I like to call them.
My Asbergers syndrome diagnosis
Well finally I got the diagnosis of having Asbergers syndrome, and I believe that statement may puzzle allot of you. I was diagnosed a few months ago and have taken some time to get to terms with it. For those of you who don't know what Asbergers is well its part of the autistic spectrum so you could say its a mild form of Autism. Now for most of my life I have felt mildly different from the general public and that's one of the reasons why I have wrote an autobiography so that I may be researched etc. Why be researched you may be asking, well the first reason is this. I had to request a professional diagnosis because I knew through personal research that I related to some of the symptoms of Asbergers. Asbergers became a great focus for me and I studied it and other psychological subjects when exploring my mind itself. I did have many difficulties in finding a connection between myself and a typical Asbergers person mainly due to the following factors.
1) I noticed that the majority of people with asbergers tended to have powerful left brain skills and abilities such as with the understanding of mathematics and language. Where I focused more on the visual side of thinking and learnt myself many aspects of creative skills from graphic design methods to wood carving sculpture and painting.
2) Having a strong focus on patterns and knowing and remembering phone numbers and names where I would have a strong awareness of visual patterns and prefer staring at adverts, scenery and logo's etc.
3) The practice of rigid routines was a very difficult one for me because I seem not to display this, in fact I am such a bad boredom threshold that I simply hate routine and live life in a messy and almost koatic way. I even avoided work that would mean I had to do receptive daily routine.
4) Empathy seems to play a major role with people with Asbergers but I think that's where the outside perspective of autism gets confused. Ill draw a great diagram as always to present my thoughts on this.
From this diagram I have established my strengths and weakness's. The biggest thing I am trying to say is that for me it is hard to show signals of empathy because I am to visually analytical in mental process so in other words I am feeling more than I can physically respond due to overwhelming stimulus to sensory experiences. I believe that my minds strengths are located within the memory which is located in the brain so is part and parcel of the process. My listening levels are very acute as well but I find it hard to process verbal information and go more on tonal sound information. I prefer to listen to the musical structure for instance than the words in a song which frustrate me. I also find it hard to interpret the simplicity's of language and will often be misguided by verbal cues and social language forms from phrase's to jokes. I do take things serious and literal which i prefer to do as I find jokes and other things pointless and futile and I need not laugh in order to feel secure yet I can get into fits of laughter over visual imaginative description and in depth description of verbal, visual and written forms of communication. To cut it short I feel to much yet I give to little in response that allows people to think I care.
Well its who I am really, I don't think that I am much different from people and have been able to get by in life for 31 years with it. I think its been the cause of not being able to be educated properly in life where by even the teachers would regularly say I was from another planet which hurt me deeply. I think it prevented me from making any long term friendships yet that I can live with as I truthfully love my own company but do miss the romantic things I see that I have a deep yearning for yet relationships prove to unfulfilled me which is a shame. I think that I appear different and don't dress in a way people can understand and I give off signals that makes people avoid me like the plague. I think is been a big reason for how I presented myself at interviews and when looking for work in which I would try to sell myself but had problems with anxiety and low self esteem. I have never attempted to learn to drive as I am afraid of being in control of something above my own physical condition and do feel that I would be to visually drained by the experience.
On the positives I have taught myself art in a truthful way that's very individual to me and not exposed to the dumming down of educational art theory. I have not attempted to sell myself in attempt to gain material which is of great spiritual significance to me. I can use almost all creative industry level applications from photoshop to Bryce. I can escape this mundane life through imagination and visual esoteric exploration. I can dance without being under the influence of drugs such as alcohol. I do not need drugs in which to develop any form of sensual pleasures as just the sight of a beautiful women can get me into a mental Ecstasy and that I am glad that I can enjoy the surface of life sublime creations. I feel that I can wear my heart on my sleeve and do not need to mask myself to be accepted in life and really enjoy being me. I shall always make a point of having Asbergers and I am glad I can say I am not mentally insane and that I am not alone either.