Nebula's mind and brain

Expressions of my mind and self

Introduction

I am a very distanced person and mainly through choice, and I consider that I lack an interest in things that to most people are natural and normal. For a while now I have observed the general behaviour of people in society and have noticed how fearless they really are especially considering how cruel modern society as become. I believe that in many way's its more about survival of the strongest minds rather than physically fittest. I also think that we at an age where the least intelligent of people succeed because of their absence of thought. People with traits such as ignorance, incompetence, selfishness, insensitive, greedy do well and that really helps in understanding just man as lost moral. So because of these observations I find people are best avoided at all costs and take no interest in communicating to these simple minded people. I will go on to talk about how my mind seems to operate.

Day dreaming

For me this is not only a much needed state of mind its something I do without even having control over. My moods can be severally altered by out the world appears visually around me. I can imagine new things to help survive say a dull day. I live in quite a boring town with hardly much in the way of beautiful scenery. But through delusion I can daydream and kid myself that over the hills or house's there is a a seascape or lake surrounded by mountains. I can actually pull out imagery that exists in my mind into reality at time. If need be I could position a giant walking down my street crushing all I dislike or anything that happiness to appear from request. Even the buildings around me can be smashed up as if I am living in an apocalyptic landscape or have the floor cracked open descending into lava pits. I can even invent a character that co-exists in this world like if its dark and dismal I would pretend that I am a vampire lurking in the shadows or anything I so desire.

Deep Sleep

One of the greatest things I live for is my dreamworld, Its not even as bad as my day dreams and thing in my dreams seem more down to earth than anything. I look for jobs, I travel on bus's, I go out at night to clubs. Its almost as if I am at times more involved with life in my dreams. I can look into them while awake and travel through the timed events of the storyboard within my nights dreams and walk around into other areas that were experienced at other times previous. Its also strange that I tend to add new areas and people to my dreams months afterwards. It seems it takes a while for my dream state to acknowledge the things around me. Dreams are like a photo album of place's and image's not only that but even small virtual space in which to move. I think the mind holds on to certain views. I can explain by saying that its like the brain works like pathways from one image to the next. Even in the day we are always connecting one thought to next as if we need to leap constantly. I can look even deeper still and have noticed that so far withing the mind I could be many things at once traveling at the speed of light around the brain itself. I can on occasion see within my soul hurtling through the mass tunnels of thought as if on a roller coaster from place to place but this is a either my imagination or in fact a deep connection with how my mind operates within.

Imagination

I will take this time to talk about the power of imagination, most people today seem to think of it as a way to draw something or design something, or make a movie etc. But its a very powerful tool or state in which more research needs to go into. I can at time even use it to such a level as if I had psychic abilities. I can look into the iris of someones eye and develop an imaginary world of them. Thus giving me an insight into many things they seem to be and it as worked with extraordinary results even to making people rather afraid or tingle with this. Again its not all about the eye as well judge people really well even before we get to this point and things are being told to us even without us realising it. I think if people used this more in the world people would be able to understand each other better.


Depression

I must feel depressed a good 50 percent of the time, and before you say it I can be my worst enemy. On most occasion's my depression is because of my low opions of people and by the world I am surrounded by for example lack of work, no social life, I have no personal long term friends, I've been betrayed more times than I can think of, lack of traditional culture, my fears of the modern transportation system, and I am also not a grabbing person but have to suffer for lack of status and feeling powerless while others seem to have a future paved out. There are many more reasons and maybe it is that I have had depression passed down by my family. To some extent I bring on depression willingly and tend to embrace times of self pity, I have always liked who I am and love to pamper myself from times of depression. Also I tend to like the drama in sadness and the relief of pain in which at times feel compelled to watch a good sad film. I have also found that in times of greatest solitude that I can paint more as if compelled to express and bring outward my inner minds visions.

Madness

I do admit that at times I am on the edge of madness, I have put my mind through extreme pressure's to aid it to learn. The times I have thought over questions that can't be answered, The times its been the victim of abuse due to guilt, doubt, paranoia, fear almost as if even my own soul as been taken hostage by itself. I am a very strong willed to things as well and will stay up to the late hours working until I am secure and comfortable with myself and my work. Only last night I was up until 4 am working on my site. When it gets late my mind will exploded into a state of question and will seek the need for conclusion, I will throw all manner of questions at myself within and this will only add to me experiencing auditory hallucination's as if listening to a radio of mixed signals and with music, chatting, and other noise's coming and going.

Madness in public

Over my years in life I have coward away from people, from sexual encounters to the casual conversation. I have never felt confident in who I am and In how I believe people perceive me. I have for many years simply blended in and hidden away from social interactions. But through times in my life will my ego erupt and for some time I will become fearless, when I was younger alcohol would allow me to feel strong but all it does now is throw me out of sanity all together and would probably end with me getting sent in jail for losing all sense. I do also on occasion enjoy play acting in public and like to invent other characters that I feel would be able to cope with the world around them. The other day I couldn't resist pretending to be mentally disabled as if I was very backward and took great amusement in sucking my thumb in front of people. On that note I also like to prank people by pretending I know them and then bringing in outrageous statements about things I make out they have done, one bloke once turned around and said are you fucking mad, in which I actually delighted in thinking how narrow his thinking was to assume this of me. I do cross the line on many occasions and my girl friend bless her made me realise that I take things a little to far in which would in danger not only me but others around me.

My Relationship

Its been six months now I have been seeing my girlfriend Jackie and its been all round amusing and fun. And you can only imagine how much work I have been but I have always been good in relationships as I like to open up and communicate as much as possible. I did overstep things recently though as I became a bit needy and was staying allot at her house which made me loose all feelings of self and I needed to come home to chill and relax, plus as I am now gathering my thoughts about things.

My children

Around two months ago I got into a spot of trouble with my ex and her new partner. The day after they snatched my lad from school and that was that. I have been going through very painful times not being able to see my kids and the longer it was the harder it got. I have had to apply for parental responsibility and being able to see the kids now and again. Its been a good long time and only yesterday I had some amazing news that would be seeing my kids on the 31st of august. I am both excited and scared about seeing them and hope they haven't changed to much. I am thinking of saving up and buying them a trampoline in the not to distant future.

Hobbies

I have recently started up fishing again which I really like, I paid about 90 quid to get my tackle again and have really enjoyed getting out and catching fish. The bit I like most about fishing isn't just catching the fish but the fact that I have to assemble the rig prior to fishing and also just observing the float as it waits for the bite. All in all fishing is a nice peaceful time for me and allows me to turn off.

Website

Well my site is getting there but I am tired of writing now so Ill write more about that soon

Fresh thoughts on mythism

Well let me begin by saying yeah its been along time since I have been blogging but the Christmas session was a horrible and dark time for me in which I'm please as passed by. Anyway over this period I have been thinking and questioning my own mythism theory's. This new entry may be a long read and I will write in sections so you can read only the area's you find interesting.

The life within Mythism

Mythism is the way I like to live, the biggest influence on this is how sensitive my mind is to the visual environment around me. While I live I spend time looking at how life operates, looking at how we have paved a synthetic and man made maze of mundane material. I see cut out streets, blocks of security and streams of cold machines. I believe that today's man lives in a static state of comfort and thus causing people to gather in the tribes of family's, friends and co-workers. I personally enjoy being an outcast from the patterns in people's communication styles and living rituals embarrassing a sanctuary of piece and having a repression of life that leads me to dream of a more colourful existence. In fact everyday I feel attacked by people's fears while those fear's are intentionally I feel they aid in repressing me from approaching people as they tend to fear me for the corruption that they expect in all. In the world I imagine I see strangers gathering without fear of disturbance and unsociable behaviour. A place where growth and development of the society isn't based on mans thirst for power and money. I also wish for people to stop being influenced by the ideals of material power and to seek a lifestyle of the development of the mind and spirt.

Mythisim and deep spirituality

OK let me begin by saying that I believe we all unwillingly would love to know why we are here, its what makes us human. I fear though that society has begun to try and retreat from such thinking and I feel that this is causing mankind to lose respect for life. Well I haven't had much choice in spiritual thinking because while growing up my mind has open to many visions of possible near death experience's I had from being a very unwell child with a corrected congenital heart defect called fallots tetrology. Since then I seem to be able to drift into a deep connection with a sphere of existence that seems to defy everything that man could dream off on this physical plain. In fact so much of this place is still being developed by the development of my subconscious in which I can also travel into. I think that by entering our subconscious we are beside the doorway to death and that we are all living so much closer to death than we realise. I will call the brain the orbital growth chamber of knowledge in which all our experience's will develop the entity of electrons. We have a problem though and that is that society is constantly requesting us to watch the dreams of others and to lose our own visions and that attitude will begin to kill even the physical world itself and righteous pathway to a higher plain. Mankind will hopefully learn that its exists in a place where darkness and light are both present and that minds need to be encouraged to open up to both.

Mythism and the higher power of Imagination

The word imagination seems to be a new taboo word, I believe this is because people think that this exercise is futile and one that don't lead to any physical payback and I have to agree to an extent. But there are some high class jobs which require people to imagine like in advertising, artists and designers, writers to name a few but there is even a element of wrong doing in this where today's creative seem to rely more on parasitic style theft. So what does the ordinary person find from being imaginative, well from personal experience its helped me to solve problems, work through and exploit rules and systems, to escape a mundane life and to foresee and avoid future issues. Mythism is a place so close to the edge between reality and the imaginary. We can merge the world we experience around us by bringing into our minds and analysing it through memory and allowing it to grow out again into the world taking on new forms. We are doing this all the time, ancient mythology created new and wonder full things., and today we have nuclear mutant super beings. We our self's are capable of imagining our own worlds and I myself enjoy visualising them mentally and painting them and maybe in death I may be responsible for creating my new existence. In fact the film What Dreams May Come seems to achieve a simple and easy way of understanding the theory.

Mythism and the subconscious

Are we subconscious, well I think we have to be but most of us are evolving a program of basic instinctual subconscious thinking traits which are still quite animal. I see people that seem to live quite high class life's still bragging about how they much the abuse themselves with drugs. So it appears that at the moment people need some way of losing there inhabit ions through mind alteration. I think this dims minds from channeling into deeper levels but most artists will have u believe that alcohol helps them to create well i think it calm down the anxiety's imagination can induce and helps them to calm down minds. There are downfalls to being a subconscious person and that it makes one drift away from raw reality so experiences feel more like one is observing rather than really doing. Also fantasy and delusion is constant but is essential to feel mania without drug use and a euphoric state can be induced through the visit to the gate of mythism near to the doorways of death itself.

Art and Mythism

Well art at the moment is not art, I believe that art is now a show of show piece's offering intellectual analysis to non artists or dead artists. Personally I wouldn't want to sell my art to a collector but maybe prints so that I can claim the original to myself while alive. I don't think anyone who was to purchase my work would turn its complex aesthetic into bullshit babble. The day I ever sell my work would only deny its soul purpose of existing and would only serve to satisfy my physical desires. Today's so called artists try and cause reaction from the ability to shock or rebel against mainstream thinking which is intelligent to the mass but only disgusts my deep belief in real art development. And what makes a real artist to me well they must be involved in every part of the creation of the piece themselves, they must not use any objects that were already manufacture by others unless its evident that the object lost its identity within the final piece. If an artist Say's the piece is this then it is and shouldn't in any way be modified to suit any outside influence I could go on loads about how I deeply dislike the conceptual or insider art of today, I also think that naive art is terrible in technique and vision. Art should also be linked to other subjects such as science and should be taught through principles from all art types.