ILSON 2060 PRODUCTION STILLS.
ILSON 2060 Production
Well I did it I directed my first ever film which is another great achievement. It took us all in all about 4 hours with a lunch in between with lots of people asking me and the crew what it was we were all doing. Finally a vision of mine turned into a film and well ok its only going to be a short film but in just a few minutes will be some intense madness believe me.
The film Ilson 2060 will be dark and unsettling to some and is not intended for a wide screen audience. I have always been more a cult film appreciator than a mainstream blockbuster viewer well I tell a lie I love watching big budget films with lots special effects but as an art form I much prefer indie low budget films.
James the star of the film playing the agent presented an awesome performance and I was vile to him on set because it shattered him and created a realistic look. I made him run about over and over again towards the end of film to show that deflated confidence and it worked well.
You might be just able to see me in the middle of the picture directing aggressively making sure it all looked good and worked. I had to remember in my head all of the shots which was easy even though I had to shoot the film back to front due to casting time. The weather was nice and gloomy on the day which was perfect and I hope we captured the steam coming out of the chippy. Now its on to post production and I can't wait I love film editing.
My first real movie ever
Ilson 2006 film project
I have always loved watching films especially horror films. One of my favorite films being Eraserhead and the time as now come for me to move closer towards producing my own film and I am currently in the phase of creating a story board for this exciting short art movie. If it goes well I would enjoy creating a full length movie extending this. Please see the poster below
Quick Poster for my up and coming film
What the film is about
Story so far, An agent as been sent 50 years into the future by the government to get the answer to many questions. He goes there unprepared because as most people quote today things will never get any better they will just get worse.
Ilkeston as even had its name changed to Ilson a name used quite often today. Drugs are that common that they have altered the genetic makeup of the brain and mind to the point that people are now all psychopathic paranoid monsters. Not only that but towns and cities are mostly barren and people even the young have been restricted to there homes through fear of violent confrontation.
Tesso the new name for a supermarket business now control the streets and have sent out there gangs to destroy the streets and rival shops. Tesso vans are everywhere delivering and will shot anyone in sight.
Females are now the most dominant of the sexes and have even become the most dangerous physically and mentally and stand back shouting and encouraging the men to attack others. The weak minded men will do anything to please the female and I mean anything.
The films Production and project
I'm apart of a new exciting project that includes many members and we are each going to produce a film that we want. I have just found out that we have access to thousands of pounds worth of video recording equipment from steady cams to a expensive cannon video camera and I am very excited. I will be working alongside Thomas Hall a professional multimedia artist.
Graphic Design Job Hunt
I have recently been applying for jobs as a graphic designer again as I think its about time I got myself back into work. Its not going to easy though with me having so much of a work gap but I can explain to the prospective employers that I have had valid reasons for unemployment. I need to do something with my life so that my creative mind can offer people so much. I have learned that it is a good thing to share ones creativity with the world.
2010
Well I am off to a great start so far so many great things seem to keep happening around me and my life is going somewhere now.
My new creation in the making
Well this is my latest sculpture in production. I have no idea how much longer it will take to complete or how much more I have to do to it but its coming on really well. I am going to paint it when the structure is more developed and its going to be a controversial peace of work that I am thinking of putting in my front garden for all to see who knows.
Ken Robinson knows
I found this amazing lecture on TED.COM which explains how I feel about today's education system.
New Information
My autobiography as Moved
Well I have decided to put my autobiography onto another blog as not to distract from this particular blog that's more of an artists journal so please find it at the side of links or doorways as I like to call them.
My Asbergers syndrome diagnosis
Well finally I got the diagnosis of having Asbergers syndrome, and I believe that statement may puzzle allot of you. I was diagnosed a few months ago and have taken some time to get to terms with it. For those of you who don't know what Asbergers is well its part of the autistic spectrum so you could say its a mild form of Autism. Now for most of my life I have felt mildly different from the general public and that's one of the reasons why I have wrote an autobiography so that I may be researched etc. Why be researched you may be asking, well the first reason is this. I had to request a professional diagnosis because I knew through personal research that I related to some of the symptoms of Asbergers. Asbergers became a great focus for me and I studied it and other psychological subjects when exploring my mind itself. I did have many difficulties in finding a connection between myself and a typical Asbergers person mainly due to the following factors.
1) I noticed that the majority of people with asbergers tended to have powerful left brain skills and abilities such as with the understanding of mathematics and language. Where I focused more on the visual side of thinking and learnt myself many aspects of creative skills from graphic design methods to wood carving sculpture and painting.
2) Having a strong focus on patterns and knowing and remembering phone numbers and names where I would have a strong awareness of visual patterns and prefer staring at adverts, scenery and logo's etc.
3) The practice of rigid routines was a very difficult one for me because I seem not to display this, in fact I am such a bad boredom threshold that I simply hate routine and live life in a messy and almost koatic way. I even avoided work that would mean I had to do receptive daily routine.
4) Empathy seems to play a major role with people with Asbergers but I think that's where the outside perspective of autism gets confused. Ill draw a great diagram as always to present my thoughts on this.
From this diagram I have established my strengths and weakness's. The biggest thing I am trying to say is that for me it is hard to show signals of empathy because I am to visually analytical in mental process so in other words I am feeling more than I can physically respond due to overwhelming stimulus to sensory experiences. I believe that my minds strengths are located within the memory which is located in the brain so is part and parcel of the process. My listening levels are very acute as well but I find it hard to process verbal information and go more on tonal sound information. I prefer to listen to the musical structure for instance than the words in a song which frustrate me. I also find it hard to interpret the simplicity's of language and will often be misguided by verbal cues and social language forms from phrase's to jokes. I do take things serious and literal which i prefer to do as I find jokes and other things pointless and futile and I need not laugh in order to feel secure yet I can get into fits of laughter over visual imaginative description and in depth description of verbal, visual and written forms of communication. To cut it short I feel to much yet I give to little in response that allows people to think I care.
Having Asbergers
Well its who I am really, I don't think that I am much different from people and have been able to get by in life for 31 years with it. I think its been the cause of not being able to be educated properly in life where by even the teachers would regularly say I was from another planet which hurt me deeply. I think it prevented me from making any long term friendships yet that I can live with as I truthfully love my own company but do miss the romantic things I see that I have a deep yearning for yet relationships prove to unfulfilled me which is a shame. I think that I appear different and don't dress in a way people can understand and I give off signals that makes people avoid me like the plague. I think is been a big reason for how I presented myself at interviews and when looking for work in which I would try to sell myself but had problems with anxiety and low self esteem. I have never attempted to learn to drive as I am afraid of being in control of something above my own physical condition and do feel that I would be to visually drained by the experience.
On the positives I have taught myself art in a truthful way that's very individual to me and not exposed to the dumming down of educational art theory. I have not attempted to sell myself in attempt to gain material which is of great spiritual significance to me. I can use almost all creative industry level applications from photoshop to Bryce. I can escape this mundane life through imagination and visual esoteric exploration. I can dance without being under the influence of drugs such as alcohol. I do not need drugs in which to develop any form of sensual pleasures as just the sight of a beautiful women can get me into a mental Ecstasy and that I am glad that I can enjoy the surface of life sublime creations. I feel that I can wear my heart on my sleeve and do not need to mask myself to be accepted in life and really enjoy being me. I shall always make a point of having Asbergers and I am glad I can say I am not mentally insane and that I am not alone either.
Well I have decided to put my autobiography onto another blog as not to distract from this particular blog that's more of an artists journal so please find it at the side of links or doorways as I like to call them.
My Asbergers syndrome diagnosis
Well finally I got the diagnosis of having Asbergers syndrome, and I believe that statement may puzzle allot of you. I was diagnosed a few months ago and have taken some time to get to terms with it. For those of you who don't know what Asbergers is well its part of the autistic spectrum so you could say its a mild form of Autism. Now for most of my life I have felt mildly different from the general public and that's one of the reasons why I have wrote an autobiography so that I may be researched etc. Why be researched you may be asking, well the first reason is this. I had to request a professional diagnosis because I knew through personal research that I related to some of the symptoms of Asbergers. Asbergers became a great focus for me and I studied it and other psychological subjects when exploring my mind itself. I did have many difficulties in finding a connection between myself and a typical Asbergers person mainly due to the following factors.
1) I noticed that the majority of people with asbergers tended to have powerful left brain skills and abilities such as with the understanding of mathematics and language. Where I focused more on the visual side of thinking and learnt myself many aspects of creative skills from graphic design methods to wood carving sculpture and painting.
2) Having a strong focus on patterns and knowing and remembering phone numbers and names where I would have a strong awareness of visual patterns and prefer staring at adverts, scenery and logo's etc.
3) The practice of rigid routines was a very difficult one for me because I seem not to display this, in fact I am such a bad boredom threshold that I simply hate routine and live life in a messy and almost koatic way. I even avoided work that would mean I had to do receptive daily routine.
4) Empathy seems to play a major role with people with Asbergers but I think that's where the outside perspective of autism gets confused. Ill draw a great diagram as always to present my thoughts on this.
From this diagram I have established my strengths and weakness's. The biggest thing I am trying to say is that for me it is hard to show signals of empathy because I am to visually analytical in mental process so in other words I am feeling more than I can physically respond due to overwhelming stimulus to sensory experiences. I believe that my minds strengths are located within the memory which is located in the brain so is part and parcel of the process. My listening levels are very acute as well but I find it hard to process verbal information and go more on tonal sound information. I prefer to listen to the musical structure for instance than the words in a song which frustrate me. I also find it hard to interpret the simplicity's of language and will often be misguided by verbal cues and social language forms from phrase's to jokes. I do take things serious and literal which i prefer to do as I find jokes and other things pointless and futile and I need not laugh in order to feel secure yet I can get into fits of laughter over visual imaginative description and in depth description of verbal, visual and written forms of communication. To cut it short I feel to much yet I give to little in response that allows people to think I care.Having Asbergers
Well its who I am really, I don't think that I am much different from people and have been able to get by in life for 31 years with it. I think its been the cause of not being able to be educated properly in life where by even the teachers would regularly say I was from another planet which hurt me deeply. I think it prevented me from making any long term friendships yet that I can live with as I truthfully love my own company but do miss the romantic things I see that I have a deep yearning for yet relationships prove to unfulfilled me which is a shame. I think that I appear different and don't dress in a way people can understand and I give off signals that makes people avoid me like the plague. I think is been a big reason for how I presented myself at interviews and when looking for work in which I would try to sell myself but had problems with anxiety and low self esteem. I have never attempted to learn to drive as I am afraid of being in control of something above my own physical condition and do feel that I would be to visually drained by the experience.
On the positives I have taught myself art in a truthful way that's very individual to me and not exposed to the dumming down of educational art theory. I have not attempted to sell myself in attempt to gain material which is of great spiritual significance to me. I can use almost all creative industry level applications from photoshop to Bryce. I can escape this mundane life through imagination and visual esoteric exploration. I can dance without being under the influence of drugs such as alcohol. I do not need drugs in which to develop any form of sensual pleasures as just the sight of a beautiful women can get me into a mental Ecstasy and that I am glad that I can enjoy the surface of life sublime creations. I feel that I can wear my heart on my sleeve and do not need to mask myself to be accepted in life and really enjoy being me. I shall always make a point of having Asbergers and I am glad I can say I am not mentally insane and that I am not alone either.
The Abomination Revealed
Well finally its here, no it could be here I might still do some more to it yet. But looking at it now I am in amazement of it and enjoy every bit of my new creation. Its not something that I think most people would actually appreciate especially in times when folk would rather have some abstract sculpture thing that as a simple level of aesthetic appeal. Well it is my first sculpture that I have ever done and after the enjoyment I got out of it not my last as I have some more logs and am going to be carving all through the summer months. First I would like to show a diagram of my technical principles in wood carving and illusion painting methods.
Being able to think visually is essential towards both controlling object and to recollect dimensional imagery. So for example I am able to see a head in my mind and use that to aid in altering the physical properties of a physical object external from my mind. As with the use of colour in the same way I have to looking back into my minds eye to be able to see what the colour attributes are on a human with the skin, eyes etc. I also used to study the anatomy as a child through a morbid curiosity and delight in using this visual knowledge from my memory. I even recently watched a real video of a human autopsy which I found a very powerful source of information. If you notice on the skull section I added a yellow fat within the flesh layer to add to a realism of dissection.
Well that's the abomination which is about a meter high. Its very unpleasant yet I love it to bits and hope to exhibit it sometime. I would like to say its contemporary expressionism and exists like the rawness of graffiti artwork which in today's art world would sadly be considered as anti art or Dada. I still think though that that type of art is more natural in state and more powerful as it need not words to sell itself just its powerful imagery.
Please also realise that it represents an ancient power in which it invokes a power and curiosity like with how we are still clouded with the mystery's of ancient mythology and history. In a world full of magic and illusion that I think would unlock a enchanting world full of romance and legend, hero and much much more which sadly only gets represented by the media. I ask you people to find your own spiritual worlds and bring back the enchantment of living with imagination again. At least I can do that myself I guess but I hope it gives you a message to do the same.
Being able to think visually is essential towards both controlling object and to recollect dimensional imagery. So for example I am able to see a head in my mind and use that to aid in altering the physical properties of a physical object external from my mind. As with the use of colour in the same way I have to looking back into my minds eye to be able to see what the colour attributes are on a human with the skin, eyes etc. I also used to study the anatomy as a child through a morbid curiosity and delight in using this visual knowledge from my memory. I even recently watched a real video of a human autopsy which I found a very powerful source of information. If you notice on the skull section I added a yellow fat within the flesh layer to add to a realism of dissection.
Well that's the abomination which is about a meter high. Its very unpleasant yet I love it to bits and hope to exhibit it sometime. I would like to say its contemporary expressionism and exists like the rawness of graffiti artwork which in today's art world would sadly be considered as anti art or Dada. I still think though that that type of art is more natural in state and more powerful as it need not words to sell itself just its powerful imagery.
Please also realise that it represents an ancient power in which it invokes a power and curiosity like with how we are still clouded with the mystery's of ancient mythology and history. In a world full of magic and illusion that I think would unlock a enchanting world full of romance and legend, hero and much much more which sadly only gets represented by the media. I ask you people to find your own spiritual worlds and bring back the enchantment of living with imagination again. At least I can do that myself I guess but I hope it gives you a message to do the same.
3D time
Sculpture Project 1
I have had the hurge to do some 3D artwork for some time to add to my legacy of exhibitionism of the weird and surreal and now its time. I have got to add that this is my first time at a sculpture but I can see from within that I can create in this way through vision and a inner power of guidance. I will add that I feel that the power is coming from something higher than myself in which I will channel through trance, passion, love and even anger. Music will be a much needed source in order to allow me to channel the waves of energy much needed to keep my mind at its peek.
Well the time is finally here, I managed to get hold of some huge cut down tree parts and went and brought a carving set which as made me skint but I feel better for parting with the money in this way. Well Now I am gonna create some specactular original and wonderful creatures. Things totally new to the eye with jaw dropping aesthetics in a comical, surreal and with the added novelity of gore effects.
I hope to paint the sculpture when it done to make it look very real with paints effects like that of a film but even if I can only create a expressionist peice I will be delighted in its raw primitive appeal. Below is a picture of the sculpture in progress.
I have had the hurge to do some 3D artwork for some time to add to my legacy of exhibitionism of the weird and surreal and now its time. I have got to add that this is my first time at a sculpture but I can see from within that I can create in this way through vision and a inner power of guidance. I will add that I feel that the power is coming from something higher than myself in which I will channel through trance, passion, love and even anger. Music will be a much needed source in order to allow me to channel the waves of energy much needed to keep my mind at its peek.
Well the time is finally here, I managed to get hold of some huge cut down tree parts and went and brought a carving set which as made me skint but I feel better for parting with the money in this way. Well Now I am gonna create some specactular original and wonderful creatures. Things totally new to the eye with jaw dropping aesthetics in a comical, surreal and with the added novelity of gore effects.
I hope to paint the sculpture when it done to make it look very real with paints effects like that of a film but even if I can only create a expressionist peice I will be delighted in its raw primitive appeal. Below is a picture of the sculpture in progress.
Back again from the darkness
Well here I am again, I never leave for good. I've just been reading my previous blogs and am happy with the thoughts I had back then. Seems not much as changed in my life really though but I have been through many things. Below are a list of categories that I feel relevant in telling you all how I've been living.
The dark cold winter.
Well to begin with I had split up with my girl friend Jackie around November time I guess and we had been together for around 8 months but for a good 6 months I kind of knew I wasn't happy. I lost the spark for her as she had changed from this magical and mysterious lady whom I hardly knew to becoming normal and plain. I did try to make an effort for her and it was very difficult to break away from her. I am now glad to be alone because I think about women a lot and desire them with all my heart but I will not go out to use someone for pleasures and think I would bore easy of any relationship I was in if that makes sense. through the winter I did sadly go through a patch of watching Internet porn to relieve my anguish to relish in the joys of passionate sex but I awoke to the real fact that porn is not nice at all and darkens the heart with its cold raw acts. I have gone off the idea of sex now and want to learn to imagine the art of making love ready for if I do ever find that love that's without corruption of earths immoral ways. So anyway we split for lots of reasons yet I do still chat with her and wish we could stay friends. Then my life became dark, the short spells of light made creative abilities slip away but I did manage to do some filming in which you may see through my eyes at how depressed I was by being attacked by the gloom of the darkness.
The drug episode.
I decided to come off Citalopram which used to make me very very fatigued and low in mental or physical energy. So guess what I just went off them and I mean cold turkey thinking that I could defeat them and it was all great at first I could cry when watching films or at anything, then after a short time I started finding my mind to becoming the more and more anxious and paranoid about many things. Then the panic attacks arrived and oh dear me ive never felt such fear. I was losing my mind I think, it was as if I was losing control of my will power and self control with visions of awful things showing me events that hadn't happen but could well do within the next few mins. Luckily I saw my psychirotrist whom offered me a new concoction of drugs to help me and so far so good.
The art videos
The dark cold winter.
Well to begin with I had split up with my girl friend Jackie around November time I guess and we had been together for around 8 months but for a good 6 months I kind of knew I wasn't happy. I lost the spark for her as she had changed from this magical and mysterious lady whom I hardly knew to becoming normal and plain. I did try to make an effort for her and it was very difficult to break away from her. I am now glad to be alone because I think about women a lot and desire them with all my heart but I will not go out to use someone for pleasures and think I would bore easy of any relationship I was in if that makes sense. through the winter I did sadly go through a patch of watching Internet porn to relieve my anguish to relish in the joys of passionate sex but I awoke to the real fact that porn is not nice at all and darkens the heart with its cold raw acts. I have gone off the idea of sex now and want to learn to imagine the art of making love ready for if I do ever find that love that's without corruption of earths immoral ways. So anyway we split for lots of reasons yet I do still chat with her and wish we could stay friends. Then my life became dark, the short spells of light made creative abilities slip away but I did manage to do some filming in which you may see through my eyes at how depressed I was by being attacked by the gloom of the darkness.
The drug episode.
I decided to come off Citalopram which used to make me very very fatigued and low in mental or physical energy. So guess what I just went off them and I mean cold turkey thinking that I could defeat them and it was all great at first I could cry when watching films or at anything, then after a short time I started finding my mind to becoming the more and more anxious and paranoid about many things. Then the panic attacks arrived and oh dear me ive never felt such fear. I was losing my mind I think, it was as if I was losing control of my will power and self control with visions of awful things showing me events that hadn't happen but could well do within the next few mins. Luckily I saw my psychirotrist whom offered me a new concoction of drugs to help me and so far so good.
The art videos
A mental diagram of visual thinking & the inner minds eye
Below is a diagram that burst into my mind earlier today, I get diagrams a lot in my head but have never really drawn them up, I got this diagram in a similar way to how I see visions to paint and draw. Maybe you may think that I am strange after looking at it but it is in way very truthful to how I live within my own world and how it links to reality. Next I will do a diagram on how telephonic sounds create pictures so that I cope with spelling and how I picture numbers in order to do math. I hope this diagram is insightful to anyone interested in visual thinking and its state. If the diagram is to small I will increase its size .
My new painting
Back to painting
Well I eventually got myself in the right frame of mind to paint, I always know when I am in prime condition to paint again as I get to a stage when I begin to see things in a more aware way. For those who have not read my previous blogs I believe that drinking alcohol effects my mind in some negative way. I do remember a few weeks back that all of a sudden colours and objects seemed to stand out more and that's a good few months since I last had a drink of booze. I will not be drinking booze again hopefully. Anyway here is my new painting.
The blood bath
Well here it is and its been a good time since I have painted so I am well happy. This creation was a new and exciting direction for me which started out duo tone but I realised in needed some extra colours in the palette. I used some interesting techniques alongside some strong illustrative aesthetics.
I have to say that while the image strengths are near comical most of the painting is still quite surreal but with those fused together make the whole thing personally weird. Again the whole vision of this painting was pictured within my mind but a few parts were developed through mental imaging of the extras that connect all together. What I like with many of my paintings is that the items on view are of subconscious meaning that exist as a prop to tell a mysterious story. I am hoping that the viewer can tell the story that they can personally identify with.
Well I eventually got myself in the right frame of mind to paint, I always know when I am in prime condition to paint again as I get to a stage when I begin to see things in a more aware way. For those who have not read my previous blogs I believe that drinking alcohol effects my mind in some negative way. I do remember a few weeks back that all of a sudden colours and objects seemed to stand out more and that's a good few months since I last had a drink of booze. I will not be drinking booze again hopefully. Anyway here is my new painting.
The blood bath
Well here it is and its been a good time since I have painted so I am well happy. This creation was a new and exciting direction for me which started out duo tone but I realised in needed some extra colours in the palette. I used some interesting techniques alongside some strong illustrative aesthetics.
I have to say that while the image strengths are near comical most of the painting is still quite surreal but with those fused together make the whole thing personally weird. Again the whole vision of this painting was pictured within my mind but a few parts were developed through mental imaging of the extras that connect all together. What I like with many of my paintings is that the items on view are of subconscious meaning that exist as a prop to tell a mysterious story. I am hoping that the viewer can tell the story that they can personally identify with.
Philosophical writings on weird
What is weird ?
First off all let me start by saying that the term weird can be used again with restriction to its true potential. Most people think of weird as something wrong or evil that can startle the mind and generates an eerie atmosphere/sensation, but this is just a narrow angle on what weird can potentially be.
From a young age the whole idea of weird would stimulate a great curiosity in me and activities like walking through a wacky house or watching a magic show would be a much inspired thing. The ghost train would fill me with dread but as soon as I could I would embark on it and while being young it would be a great experience but soon after I left it behind and thought little of how much it lacked enough of what it could be.
So getting back to weird then I think to create something weird is untouchable and exempt from conceptual analysis thus baffling its audience with works of enigma. I think the best way to find weird is by looking into the inner self or mind. A space can exist within the inner eye or third eye and through the purity of health or illness be opened to locate the opposite of the physical dimension. A problem occurs by allowing oneself to be programmed by the physical existence alongside our human instinctual urges to only put clouds upon the reality of truth. We also so easily forget the potential of others human minds that we have to constantly commune with and that each mind holds its own programmed world a place with the great potential. In theory I open up my worlds to the viewer without fear of scrutiny because the soul truth of my being is just as important as anyone Else's inner being.
Children are much closer to the curiosity's of the minds imagination and without control will let there imaginations guide there own development. In fact this development process only proves that we all live in our own inner created worlds that is grounded and stabilised by the beginnings where imagination plays such an important role. I think that by exploring weird one can find more strength in imagination and creativity. A problem does occur in today's world regarding education as more emphasis and support is given to the controlled learning of theoretical and mechanical techniques with close attention to math and language is addressed. This in turn works opposite to the expressiveness of loose expressionist thinking that masks out the emotion of a more giving existence.
Capitalism is one reason why this type of learning is around so that it can give support to the worlds blood that is money thus looking for people to be able to support the growth of greed and power. Alongside technical powers maths is crucial to modern society and development and yet we see in so much of contemporary artwork that seems to be killing all the magic behind art. That is why expressionism should be a great fuel towards the art of the weird as it looks at the inner minds why of seeing things. The ego of the modern world is very unnatural and unattractive where older architectures look much more dense in imagination that the flat glass, metal or plastic buildings.
If you look at the theory's of Einstein so much of it is easily drawn out into diagrammatic forms where imagination seems to have been so evident. I wish that Einstein was an artist because I think that most of his thoughts were developed from the inner eye and visual thinking. When you look at the theory of relativity it would through a real experiment look like an amazingly weird experiment, but think of this could his art have actually visually instructed us to have created the atom bomb, sadly I think people find it hard to reach an understanding of visual instruction so use math to be instructed through formulae.
Continued Soon
First off all let me start by saying that the term weird can be used again with restriction to its true potential. Most people think of weird as something wrong or evil that can startle the mind and generates an eerie atmosphere/sensation, but this is just a narrow angle on what weird can potentially be.
From a young age the whole idea of weird would stimulate a great curiosity in me and activities like walking through a wacky house or watching a magic show would be a much inspired thing. The ghost train would fill me with dread but as soon as I could I would embark on it and while being young it would be a great experience but soon after I left it behind and thought little of how much it lacked enough of what it could be.
So getting back to weird then I think to create something weird is untouchable and exempt from conceptual analysis thus baffling its audience with works of enigma. I think the best way to find weird is by looking into the inner self or mind. A space can exist within the inner eye or third eye and through the purity of health or illness be opened to locate the opposite of the physical dimension. A problem occurs by allowing oneself to be programmed by the physical existence alongside our human instinctual urges to only put clouds upon the reality of truth. We also so easily forget the potential of others human minds that we have to constantly commune with and that each mind holds its own programmed world a place with the great potential. In theory I open up my worlds to the viewer without fear of scrutiny because the soul truth of my being is just as important as anyone Else's inner being.
Children are much closer to the curiosity's of the minds imagination and without control will let there imaginations guide there own development. In fact this development process only proves that we all live in our own inner created worlds that is grounded and stabilised by the beginnings where imagination plays such an important role. I think that by exploring weird one can find more strength in imagination and creativity. A problem does occur in today's world regarding education as more emphasis and support is given to the controlled learning of theoretical and mechanical techniques with close attention to math and language is addressed. This in turn works opposite to the expressiveness of loose expressionist thinking that masks out the emotion of a more giving existence.
Capitalism is one reason why this type of learning is around so that it can give support to the worlds blood that is money thus looking for people to be able to support the growth of greed and power. Alongside technical powers maths is crucial to modern society and development and yet we see in so much of contemporary artwork that seems to be killing all the magic behind art. That is why expressionism should be a great fuel towards the art of the weird as it looks at the inner minds why of seeing things. The ego of the modern world is very unnatural and unattractive where older architectures look much more dense in imagination that the flat glass, metal or plastic buildings.
If you look at the theory's of Einstein so much of it is easily drawn out into diagrammatic forms where imagination seems to have been so evident. I wish that Einstein was an artist because I think that most of his thoughts were developed from the inner eye and visual thinking. When you look at the theory of relativity it would through a real experiment look like an amazingly weird experiment, but think of this could his art have actually visually instructed us to have created the atom bomb, sadly I think people find it hard to reach an understanding of visual instruction so use math to be instructed through formulae.
Continued Soon
Nebula's creation of weirdism
Personal thoughts on the
created movement of Weirdism
by Richard Jackson aka Nebula
created movement of Weirdism
by Richard Jackson aka Nebula
Introduction to Weirdism
Well within the realm's of the art world we have been subjected to many strange and unusual artworks, mainly from the works of the surrealist artists who tried to channel and tap into the subconscious mind. But I personally see a huge problem with the surrealist philosophy mainly due to the fact that it is about the personal twisted perceptions of the real, and I think that imagination will find some limitations to this. Is surrealism the furthest we can venture with its vagueness and connections with delusion and madness. I believe that we can move further out than that but its a dangerous journey and that the very idea could end up shredding down the walls of this dimensional world. I do think however that surrealism was a great start towards something very powerful that could make or break the material world and possibly the inner world for many people.
So what would Weirdism be, I feel you will be asking but I want to keep that open for now. The most important idea is that it will only make use of previous works that could be used for the analysis of weird/Weirdism.
The core of Weirdism is that it should be about creating something weird from methods of day dream, sleep, paranoiac-critical method (fear, anxiety, mania, paranoia etc), disciplined hallucination without it being drug induced, accidental, scientific madness, abnormal and other strange and weird methods.
The most single important thing is to not use any drugs to find weirdness if possible but if one wants to dabble in drug induced creativity then its up to the person, but I do not believe that this can achieve to a higher level and think its in the artists best interest to be pure of mind.
To achieve a style of weird would be contradictory as weird can obscure the discipline of technique and process but if anyone would try to find anything near a weirdistic style I would strongly encourage it as to be proven wrong. To create a weirdistic art peace one can use a fusion of techniques, styles and movements to stir up the reaction but as long as it creates the whole movement of weirdism so to fade away the movements used.
What can weirdism achieve ?
I really hope that it can set new concepts to design and art through the induction of weird into powerful and bewildering aesthetics. I hope to see developments in the manufacturing of goods that fuse together all that is unreal and out of this world for example gadgets and gizmo's that put emphasis on the unusual to look over. I want weirdism to open up our eyes to new and beautiful surrounding that bewilder our sensors and that ask us to think about what we look upon.
I also want to see more of a bond between art and science where the elemental and cosmic work with or against each other to provide new and almost spell binding results. I really think that this world as become a solid synthetic gloomy dimension that needs to be lifted if only to arouse the mind to a voyage of personal perception and excitement to mystery.
Why should we live with Weirdism ?
We do actually live with it now to a certain degree, We have console and computer games that take us into other worlds that at times can blow our minds to new dimensions of eye candy graphics in which we escape. The animation, illustration and development of such things are for me a much needed provision but to a certain degree Weirdism could bring it into the gallery, the street etc. It would help the young of today connect to creativity that involves more than conceptual dribble and theory in which the visual sensor's do the talking.
What can you or I do ?
Well we can start by going about studying weird, thinking of new things to rip open the walls of normality, we can imagine things that don't exist and find an urge to create them. Weird is different to everyone and to embrace weird is the first step. Even being a person who don't fit into this life is a great role to play, you may think different to other people and can add your thoughts on Weirdism. Personally I think weird can be thought of as a disturbance and even add controversy on so much of life that it is dying to tackle authority and rule.
I think you have just made this up ?
I have and that's what weirdism is all about, making things up out of thin air, something new and unbelievable, Who is to say that what I have said is wrong and maybe because they have been heavily programmed by society to behave in a so called real and normal fashion that the previous writing would be considered a load of excrement then I pity that person for they are at a lower level of sensitivity. And would most probably overlook how weird can offer some extraordinary sensations.
Conclusion
There is none so go and find out for yourself
Nebula
New thoughts and theory's
MY WORLD AND THERE WORLD
Most of my life I have lived in a world of my own really and I've never really been interested in the so called real world. I guess I see the other world as a prison in which people enter into, a kind of man made synthetic scape where instinct and desire combine with the human thirst to become powerful and feed upon there ego's. Below is a list of things that disturb me about the real world.
Work
I have noticed that people behave in an almost evil manner while they are at work and will delight in overpowering people, especially one's who seem the weakest or in need. I also dislike the way that people develop groups and clicks to gain power and influence over others. The worst type of worker is the kiss arse type who wants to establish a over needed role and will do others work as well to gain a rank above others. You also get people who work with members of there own family thus giving them an unprecedented power.
Looking for work
It seems that for most of my life looking for work as been a complete waste of time. I used to apply to lots of different types of jobs but for some unusual reason would be unacceptable. I would consider myself to be a moderately intelligent person and have learnt to do an unbelievable amount of things myself without going on course's mainly skills on a computer. I have had a few jobs but it seems that the type of work I am good at requires in the united kingdom some kind of degree or huge amount of work history within the chosen area of work.
Procedure and law
More and more people create more rules, mainly because people wish to exploit situations to gain but for those of us who want to live an honest life it seems very near impossible. And for some bizzare reason the majority of us have been left to only be capable of being on benifits because our goverment make living on work a very insecure postion to be in.
Women are especially darker than men and this I find rather mysterious mainly due to the fact that I may have been brought up to think that women are usually more caring as a stereotype. I also feel that women are very very spoilt now and they have some kind of narrow minded ambition that gives them a very intimidating presence. I also find that most women are not as innocent as I would like to believe and seem to be fearless in order to find men who only care to use and abuse there image of innocence. I guess I am very idealistic towards women and think I tend to only notice the ones with a bad attitude.
English soil
Well the time as arrived when we have been invaded again and this time Poland are the invaders, Only the other day I noticed that my local town of Nottingham the English residents seem to have been replaced by polish ones, it felt like invasion of the body snatchers. And the way they all are dressed like middle class citizens against our poor slaved up native citizens made me feel an anger.
Not only that but I am fed up with seeing ethnic professionals in the medical profession who seem to not understand a word we say and I know this from experience but treat the white British as inferior and through that will give us nothing to really help us.
Culture is also an issue for me and it seems that our government seems to have provided other cultures and religions priority over our own culture. I don't actually see an English culture anymore, well I do and its a culture that the media have presented and developed to get us into going out and drinking every weekend so that the weeks/months money be paid back into the governments hands through the tax on alcohol.
The ethnic cultures are still very strong and in many ways an evil on our own soil mainly due to the fact they will disown and even kill women who will not be forced into marriage. But through our government building them temples and mosks in our own towns that the make the invasion more a reality.
I like to watch films that make you think really, and most films have always in some way left me feeling and thinking about them especially if they have a message or meaning to them. As an artist I generally like to delve into realms of art that cross over the line and explore uncharted areas which I could say I am a kind of explorer into the unknown. Again I kind of delight in the Romanticism of the sadness that some films seem to explore so well.
Salo "120 day's of Sodom"
The Mundane
It seems that England is becoming more and more mundane, work seems colourless and even business seems bland and black and white. I even detest the advertising that we get thrust into our face's on the television especially in the day time. The patronising adverts that sell things I find materialistic and pathetic such as insurance and double glazing. What has this country come to when things like that mean anything at all.
Things of interest
Films
I like to watch films that make you think really, and most films have always in some way left me feeling and thinking about them especially if they have a message or meaning to them. As an artist I generally like to delve into realms of art that cross over the line and explore uncharted areas which I could say I am a kind of explorer into the unknown. Again I kind of delight in the Romanticism of the sadness that some films seem to explore so well.
I have recently watched the film I have been holding back on seeing for along time called Salo 120 day's of Sodom which was supposed to be described as being on the worlds most disturbing films ever. After watching the film it kind of enlightened me in a raw way about human brutality and only emphasise how dark the human spirt can be in all of us. While watching the film I realised I was also participating in an audience of evil curiosity. It kind of makes the mind feel happy to know that I wasn't feeling the pains that were being inflicted upon others. I think the film mainly deals with sexual brutality and how mankind will never really be satisfied by attacking such a sacred thing. You do get a strong feeling of how people have been abused in by the evils of political powers and especially with how Hitlers Nazi Germany abused its powers to commit atrocities. I think overall the film is one of those that was ok to watch once but the idea of watching it again don't seem to interest me maybe because it was uncomfortable and quite depressing.
The Bridge 2006 Documentary
For those of you who havn't heard of this film its a documentary type film that explores the tabboo subject of sucide due to people who commit sucide from jumping from the Golden Gate bridge. The first time I watched this film I could only bare it for about 20 mins especially after watching a man throw himself off the bridge. You get to hear from the ones who have lost someone after
they have killed themselves and the possible reasons for why they think the person might have done such anunspeakable thing. I have just finished watching the film this minute and think its an unsettling but valuble resource for people as an educational and informative study of human behaviour. It will also admit that it made me cry a little because of the sadness I felt for all involved in the tragigy that fell upon them.
Games
Bioshock XBOX 360
Well I have been playing this game quite alot and think its a major release due to aspethetic merits and the gameplay is also powerfull with just enough creepyness and fear to keep the game enthrilling and exciting. It deffently takes you into another world a place very much connected to an expressionist scape similar to Gothem city in the Batman Films and a kind of circus of madness theme feeling where drugs as created a population of crazed clowns. It sure is a 8 out of 10 which is quite a good score.
Nebula's mind and brain
Expressions of my mind and self
Introduction
I am a very distanced person and mainly through choice, and I consider that I lack an interest in things that to most people are natural and normal. For a while now I have observed the general behaviour of people in society and have noticed how fearless they really are especially considering how cruel modern society as become. I believe that in many way's its more about survival of the strongest minds rather than physically fittest. I also think that we at an age where the least intelligent of people succeed because of their absence of thought. People with traits such as ignorance, incompetence, selfishness, insensitive, greedy do well and that really helps in understanding just man as lost moral. So because of these observations I find people are best avoided at all costs and take no interest in communicating to these simple minded people. I will go on to talk about how my mind seems to operate.
Day dreaming
For me this is not only a much needed state of mind its something I do without even having control over. My moods can be severally altered by out the world appears visually around me. I can imagine new things to help survive say a dull day. I live in quite a boring town with hardly much in the way of beautiful scenery. But through delusion I can daydream and kid myself that over the hills or house's there is a a seascape or lake surrounded by mountains. I can actually pull out imagery that exists in my mind into reality at time. If need be I could position a giant walking down my street crushing all I dislike or anything that happiness to appear from request. Even the buildings around me can be smashed up as if I am living in an apocalyptic landscape or have the floor cracked open descending into lava pits. I can even invent a character that co-exists in this world like if its dark and dismal I would pretend that I am a vampire lurking in the shadows or anything I so desire.
Deep Sleep
One of the greatest things I live for is my dreamworld, Its not even as bad as my day dreams and thing in my dreams seem more down to earth than anything. I look for jobs, I travel on bus's, I go out at night to clubs. Its almost as if I am at times more involved with life in my dreams. I can look into them while awake and travel through the timed events of the storyboard within my nights dreams and walk around into other areas that were experienced at other times previous. Its also strange that I tend to add new areas and people to my dreams months afterwards. It seems it takes a while for my dream state to acknowledge the things around me. Dreams are like a photo album of place's and image's not only that but even small virtual space in which to move. I think the mind holds on to certain views. I can explain by saying that its like the brain works like pathways from one image to the next. Even in the day we are always connecting one thought to next as if we need to leap constantly. I can look even deeper still and have noticed that so far withing the mind I could be many things at once traveling at the speed of light around the brain itself. I can on occasion see within my soul hurtling through the mass tunnels of thought as if on a roller coaster from place to place but this is a either my imagination or in fact a deep connection with how my mind operates within.
Imagination
I will take this time to talk about the power of imagination, most people today seem to think of it as a way to draw something or design something, or make a movie etc. But its a very powerful tool or state in which more research needs to go into. I can at time even use it to such a level as if I had psychic abilities. I can look into the iris of someones eye and develop an imaginary world of them. Thus giving me an insight into many things they seem to be and it as worked with extraordinary results even to making people rather afraid or tingle with this. Again its not all about the eye as well judge people really well even before we get to this point and things are being told to us even without us realising it. I think if people used this more in the world people would be able to understand each other better.
Depression
I must feel depressed a good 50 percent of the time, and before you say it I can be my worst enemy. On most occasion's my depression is because of my low opions of people and by the world I am surrounded by for example lack of work, no social life, I have no personal long term friends, I've been betrayed more times than I can think of, lack of traditional culture, my fears of the modern transportation system, and I am also not a grabbing person but have to suffer for lack of status and feeling powerless while others seem to have a future paved out. There are many more reasons and maybe it is that I have had depression passed down by my family. To some extent I bring on depression willingly and tend to embrace times of self pity, I have always liked who I am and love to pamper myself from times of depression. Also I tend to like the drama in sadness and the relief of pain in which at times feel compelled to watch a good sad film. I have also found that in times of greatest solitude that I can paint more as if compelled to express and bring outward my inner minds visions.
Madness
I do admit that at times I am on the edge of madness, I have put my mind through extreme pressure's to aid it to learn. The times I have thought over questions that can't be answered, The times its been the victim of abuse due to guilt, doubt, paranoia, fear almost as if even my own soul as been taken hostage by itself. I am a very strong willed to things as well and will stay up to the late hours working until I am secure and comfortable with myself and my work. Only last night I was up until 4 am working on my site. When it gets late my mind will exploded into a state of question and will seek the need for conclusion, I will throw all manner of questions at myself within and this will only add to me experiencing auditory hallucination's as if listening to a radio of mixed signals and with music, chatting, and other noise's coming and going.
Madness in public
Over my years in life I have coward away from people, from sexual encounters to the casual conversation. I have never felt confident in who I am and In how I believe people perceive me. I have for many years simply blended in and hidden away from social interactions. But through times in my life will my ego erupt and for some time I will become fearless, when I was younger alcohol would allow me to feel strong but all it does now is throw me out of sanity all together and would probably end with me getting sent in jail for losing all sense. I do also on occasion enjoy play acting in public and like to invent other characters that I feel would be able to cope with the world around them. The other day I couldn't resist pretending to be mentally disabled as if I was very backward and took great amusement in sucking my thumb in front of people. On that note I also like to prank people by pretending I know them and then bringing in outrageous statements about things I make out they have done, one bloke once turned around and said are you fucking mad, in which I actually delighted in thinking how narrow his thinking was to assume this of me. I do cross the line on many occasions and my girl friend bless her made me realise that I take things a little to far in which would in danger not only me but others around me.
My Relationship
Its been six months now I have been seeing my girlfriend Jackie and its been all round amusing and fun. And you can only imagine how much work I have been but I have always been good in relationships as I like to open up and communicate as much as possible. I did overstep things recently though as I became a bit needy and was staying allot at her house which made me loose all feelings of self and I needed to come home to chill and relax, plus as I am now gathering my thoughts about things.
My children
Around two months ago I got into a spot of trouble with my ex and her new partner. The day after they snatched my lad from school and that was that. I have been going through very painful times not being able to see my kids and the longer it was the harder it got. I have had to apply for parental responsibility and being able to see the kids now and again. Its been a good long time and only yesterday I had some amazing news that would be seeing my kids on the 31st of august. I am both excited and scared about seeing them and hope they haven't changed to much. I am thinking of saving up and buying them a trampoline in the not to distant future.
Hobbies
I have recently started up fishing again which I really like, I paid about 90 quid to get my tackle again and have really enjoyed getting out and catching fish. The bit I like most about fishing isn't just catching the fish but the fact that I have to assemble the rig prior to fishing and also just observing the float as it waits for the bite. All in all fishing is a nice peaceful time for me and allows me to turn off.
Website
Well my site is getting there but I am tired of writing now so Ill write more about that soon
Posts
